Letters to Gage, Gabe and Grant: Reflections: Your birth story

Dear Gage,

I didn't start writing this blog until you were a little over 3 months old, so there are some important events in your life that didn't get written in real-time. So we'll have to do a few reflection posts. I suppose the most important of those will be the story of how you entered this world.

Two days before you were born.

On Friday, January 28, I awoke around 6am. I hadn't been sleeping very well, what with my growing belly and increasing anxiety as we neared February 3rd, your due date. I went through my normal morning routine and tried to plan the events of the day. I had just changed into some workout clothes with good intentions to spend some time on the elliptical machine, when I had a bit of a sensation. I thought I might have experienced a bit of incontinence, as there wasn't a large amount of fluid. I went to the bathroom and changed clothes and didn't think anything of it. About 15 minutes later as I sat on the couch, watching the episode of The Biggest Loser that I had missed that week, trying to pep myself up for a work-out, I felt a cramp in my lower abdomen. I really didn't think much of it, but it happened again about 10 minutes later.Your Dada still wasn't awake, so I just sat on the couch, watched the clock and waited for it to happen again. About 10 minutes later, I had another cramp and it started to sink in that maybe I was in labor.

After an hour of having contractions every 10 to 15 minutes, they started to get a little closer together. Every 8 minutes, then every 7, then down to every 5 minutes. I planned on staying at home and laboring as long as possible before going to the hospital. The contractions weren't too terribly painful and I was able to breathe through them quite easily. Your Dada and I cleaned the house, took showers and got our bags out to the car. Around 12, I started to have a little bloody show so we decided to get up to the hospital. We stopped and saw Granny Dowwoe on the way to let her know what was going on.

We got up to Labor and Delivery and into a room. I remember looking at the clock once I was in the gown and saw it was 1:07pm. The events that followed are sort of a blur. So much was happening all at once. When the nurse did the exam, I was dilated 3cm and my water had broken. It wasn't incontinence after all! It definitely wasn't the dramatic gush of water that you will see in movies. My water breaking experience was more like a trickle. After answering what seemed like a million questions and getting some blood drawn, we settled into the room and started to inform the family of where I was.

The contractions were starting to get a little stronger and it wasn't as easy to breathe through them like before. I think being strapped to a monitor and having an IV line started and not being able to walk around, really made it tough. Around 1:45, the nurse came into the room and told me to lay on my left side. She said babies seem to do better if the mother is laying on that side. I didn't think much of it, so I did as I was told and labored on.

At 2:15, Dr. Hewitt came into the room to check on me. He told us that with every contraction, your heart rate was plummeting. Almost to a dangerously low level. Considering I was still in the early stages of labor and considering the contractions hadn't even reached full intensity, it would be in the every one's best interest, especially yours, to do a c-section. A c-section! This was not in my birth plan, so needless to say, I started to panic. I was so upset that I started to hyperventilate, so I was put on oxygen (because we definitely didn't need to deprive you of any more oxygen than you already were). I continued to lay on my left side to ensure better oxygenation to you.

The nurses brought in the mesh white jumpsuit for Dada to wear, along with matching booties, hat, mask and beard cover. As he was getting garbed up, the nurse anesthetist came in to go over the procedure. She told me about the epidural and how that would be administered. As she was reviewing the blood work, she paused, looked at Dada, and told him he wouldn't be able to go into the room with me. If I was panicked before, it was multiplied a thousand fold now. If Dada wasn't allowed in the room, it meant I would have to go under general anesthesia! The nurse told us that my platelet count was too low, around 80, so an epidural was out of the question. General anesthesia was the only way.

Granny Dowwoe was in the room, trying to calm me down, while Uncle Matt and Sarah were trying to calm down Dada. Within 15 minutes, they were wheeling me out of L and D and into the OR. Dada followed me as far as he could and then kissed me goodbye. I was taken into a very brightly lit, cold room. I was shivering from fear and anxiety. The nurses had to put warm blankets on my chest just so I would stop shaking long enough to get prepped for the surgery. The nurse anesthetist kept assuring me everything would be OK. I heard Dr. Hewitt come in and felt him touching my belly. I was so afraid he would start the surgery while I was awake. I said a prayer for you and me and that was the last thing I remember.

I woke up in the recovery room in a very groggy and cloudy state. I kept whispering yours and Dada's names until a nurse came over to check on me. She told me you were with Dada in the nursery doing skin-to-skin and that you were perfectly healthy. I was able to find some comfort in that and drifted back off to sleep. After an unknown amount of time in recovery, I was finally wheeled into my postpartum room. Granny Dowwoe was there waiting for me. I asked her about you and she showed me pictures on her phone. Through my groggy state, I exclaimed, "He so beautiful!"

I'm sure it was only minutes before you were brought in to the room to meet me, but it seemed like hours. I was so anxious to meet this beautiful boy everyone was talking about. Your Dada showed me a picture from the nursery that one of the nurses took while he was doing skin-to-skin with you. He was such a proud Daddy!

And finally the nursery nurses wheeled you in! There was my precious baby boy. It was love at first sight. You were perfect! Your sweet little nose, rosy red lips, and your head full of messy brown hair! A little 7 pound 9.5 ounce ball of love. At that moment, my life was complete. I didn't want for anything else in the whole entire world, but to just lay there and cuddle with you. To cherish that moment with you. I love you so, so much. There just aren't words to describe my love for you. Nothing will ever take that away. You truly are my little sunshine!

So within 2 hours of getting checked in to the hospital you were born. At 2:59pm Dr. Hewitt helped you make your debut. I'm so sad I wasn't able to hear your first cry, but things happen for a reason. Your heart rate kept dropping with each contraction because the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck. I'm very glad we got up to the hospital when we did, or things could have been a lot worse. Because of that, I'm glad I wasn't awake and I'm glad your Dada wasn't in the room. That would have caused more panic.

Even though your birth story was not according to our plans, we still have you. And you are absolutely perfect! I wouldn't trade you for anything!