Dear Gage, Gabe and Grant,
I have been pretty lucky with each of my pregnancies. Actually, I should use the term lucky loosely here. I was lucky with the pregnancies themselves - no morning sickness, no bed rest, worked the entire time. The only thing that really bothered me was my ugly leg (varicose and spider veins on my right lower leg). Yes, the pregnancies were fine, the deliveries were another story.
Gage, my first baby boy - I went into labor at home. Labored for about 8 hours and then ended up going to the hospital as the contractions started lasting longer and were closer together. We got checked in and all hooked up to the monitors and that's when they discovered your heart rate dropped with each contraction. Because I was only dilated to 3 at that point and labor could potentially last another 12 to 15 hours, the doctor decided a c-section would be the safest option for us. My platelets were below 100K so I had to have general anesthesia. Gage, at 2:59 pm you came into this world weighing 7lbs 9.5 ounces and measuring 20.25 inches long. Very dramatic entrance, my boy.
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| Meeting Gage for the first time |
Gabe, my second baby boy - I was scheduled for a repeat c-section on December 12, 2012 (12/12/12 - how cool that would have been). I went to the doctor for my weekly appointment on December 5 and after measuring my belly he asked if we had ever discussed having a small baby. No, no we hadn't. Well, my belly hadn't grown in 2 to 3 weeks so he wanted to have an ultrasound just to check on you. Your Daddy and I went back that afternoon and let Roy the ultrasound technician go to work. Yes, you were quite small for 38.5 weeks - measuring only 5.5 pounds and the amniotic fluid levels were 75%. The doctor decided you needed to be born asap - as in that day. I freaked out, your dad freaked out. I wanted to go home and get my stuff, but the doctor insisted I get over to the hospital and get checked in. He would be over as soon as he was done with his patients for the day and we'd have our baby. Fortunately, my platelets were above 100K this time so I was able to get a spinal and stay awake for your arrival. Gabe, at 6:14pm you came into this world - 5 lbs 15.5 ounces and 19.25 inches long. My little fella, with your own dramatic entrance.
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| Holding Gabe for the first time outside the OR. |
Grant, my surprise baby - Your birth actually went according to plan. I was scheduled for a repeat c-section on 3/31/15. My platelets were above 100K, so I was able to get a spinal and be awake for your arrival. The only thing that was dramatic was not knowing your gender. Well, more like anxiety. If you were a boy, we had everything at home - Clothes, bedding, blankets, toys. If you were a girl - well, you'd be wearing blue (and sleeping on blue and swaddled in blue and playing with blue) until I could get you a proper girl wardrobe. You arrived at 8:02 am weighing in at 6 lbs 14.5 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. My third baby boy.
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| Meeting Grant for the first time |
So that brings me now to the arrival of your baby sister. I was scheduled for my fourth c-section on September 15, 2016. I had been having trouble with my platelets and the anxiety I had before her birth was whether or not I'd be able to be awake for her birth. On September 13, I had a bit of an anxiety attack before bed - worried about the birth. We had a full day planned for the 14th in preparation of her arrival. Around 11:30pm I started having a few contractions - nothing out of the norm as I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the past few months pretty regularly. Around midnight, I had a contraction accompanied by a sharp pain in my lower belly - not normal. Your Daddy asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I said no. I just wanted to watch the clock and see if it happened again. Sure enough, around 12:15 I felt it again - contraction followed by more intense pain. And again at 12:20 or so. Following the third painful one, I decided to get out of bed and walk around. If it was Braxton Hicks, it should have gone away with the change of position. Except it didn't. It got worse. The pain was intense and the contraction never seemed to stop. Your Dad was following me around and when I screamed, he decided to call your Granny to come over so we could go to the hospital. I decided to take a shower, thinking the warm water would help ease the pain. Yeah, I was wrong about that. I was in so much pain I could hardly stand up and when I was done showering, I couldn't even bend over to towel dry my hair. Daddy helped me get dressed and by that time, Granny was at the house and we were out the door. I remember telling her to say a prayer for us because I knew something wasn't right.
The drive to the hospital was a long and excruciating journey, as each bump on the road caused me more pain. At this point my stomach was in a permanent state of contraction. There was no reprieve in between like there normally is with contractions. Just constant tightness and pain. We got to the hospital within 15 minutes (a trip that usually takes at least 20 to 25). I originally planned to walk up to the second floor, but just getting out of the car was a struggle. Daddy got me a wheelchair and we made it up to Labor and Delivery. The nurses met us at the door and took me into a triage room. The first thing I told them was that I was scheduled for my fourth c-section the next day and that something didn't feel right. I needed to have a c-section right away. I told them I was in labor, and they asked me to get undressed and up on the table to see how far advanced my labor was. I won't go into the details of this, but it was the most painful exam I've ever had in my life. The first nurse wanted a second opinion, so a second nurse did a check. I thought the first check was bad. I was wrong. I heard screams coming from my mouth that I have never heard before. Daddy was scared and upset and one of the nurses tried to assure him that the reason I was in so much pain was that I'd never been in labor before and I wasn't used to the checks they do. She couldn't have been more wrong and I made sure to tell her that even though it was 5 years ago, I had been in labor before and what was going on right then was NOT normal labor.
They changed me into a gown and tried to put a fetal monitor on my belly. They had a lot of difficulty finding a heart beat and that I had me so worried and scared. After what felt like an eternity, we finally heard a heartbeat, but it was very faint and slow - only in the 70's. They moved the monitor around and each slide of it across my belly caused searing pain. The nurse asked if it hurt and when I told her it did, she stepped out of the room. Another nurse took over and was able to find the heart beat again. This time it was in the 90's. Still much too low, but higher than before. Dr Hewitt (my regular doctor was not on call) came in shortly after and said we'd be having a baby soon. The nurse anesthetist came in and explained I would be going to sleep for the surgery and that he'd take good care of me. It was a whirlwind and even though I was still in a lot of pain, I felt relief knowing it would be over soon.
Your Daddy followed us as far as he could and I told him I loved him and to tell you boys that I loved you too. Within moments, I was on the operating table. The nurse anesthetist but a mask on my face and as soon as I smelled the medicine, I started to inhale big and deep, hoping to speed things along. The last thing I remember hearing was Dr Hewitt telling the nurse anesthetist to let him know when he could start, and then there was darkness.
I woke up and wasn't sure where I was. I just knew I was in a room and my belly wasn't pregnant anymore. I was sore, but nothing even close to the pain I had felt earlier in the night. There were nurses in the room caring for me and I remember asking about Klare. A doctor I had never seen before came in and introduced himself as Dr. Bundhoo, a neonatologist. He explained to me that my uterus had ruptured and that Klare was very sick. She was being cared for in the NICU. She never started breathing after she was born so she had to be intubated. Because he wasn't sure how long she'd been without oxygen, they had placed a cooling cap around her head to lower the temperature of the brain to protect it against damage. He also explained to me that they would be keeping her intubated and in the cooling cap for 72 hours and if she remained in a vegetative state, we would have to make the choice to continue care. I listened in horror and in shock. I asked him what her prognosis was and he said her odds were 60/40. How could this happen? Why did this happen? My poor baby girl could be a vegetable and might not be alive in 72 hours. I just cried and started praying. I asked God to wrap his arms around my baby girl and keep her safe.
Daddy came in soon after and we held hands and cried together. He told me that he had called Great Grandma and that she was praying for us. He had also called Dows and she was there to see Klare in the NICU. I wanted to see her and the nurses were able to make that happen. They wheeled my bed into the NICU and placed me beside her bed. My first memories of my baby girl are not great. She was strapped down in a little bed with wires and tubes coming out from everywhere. She had IV's coming out of her belly button, IV's in her wrist, a tube down her throat and a cap surrounding her head - hopefully cooling her brain enough to prevent any brain damage. I just cried and cried and wished I could take her place. Prayed to take her place. Pleading with God to let me endure this pain and suffering, not my baby girl. I rubbed her leg and admired her. She was just so beautiful and perfect. My perfect little princess, covered in tubes and wires.
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| Meeting Klare for the first time |
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| Pics Dows took in the NICU before they had her all hooked up and wearing the cooling cap. |
Klare Morgan was born at 1:35 am (within 21 minutes of our arrival at the hospital). She weighed in at 7 lbs 14.5 ounces and measured 20 inches long. I truly believe if we had waited even a minute longer, she wouldn't be alive today. We are unsure of when my uterus ruptured, but I know the pain I felt at home was the start of it. I honestly believe it happened on the table in the triage room when the nurses were doing their check, because the pain I felt during that time was the most intense and searing pain I have ever felt in my life. When Dr Hewitt opened up my belly, he didn't even have to cut into my uterus. Klare was in her amniotic sac in my abdomen. One of the nurses that assisted in the delivery said that they saw hair as soon as they cut into my belly. Fortunately, the placenta hadn't completely detached from the uterus so she was still able to get some oxygen from her umbilical cord. She had a strong heartbeat but just wasn't breathing on her own. I credit the quick work of the nurses and doctors to have her intubated within a minute of life.
Dr Hewitt was able to repair my uterus, so I didn't have to have a hysterectomy. The tear was not along my previous c-section scars, it was vertical. Very strange that it happened that way and we still don't know why or how it happened. I suppose having four babies within five and half years and having my last one less than 18 months prior were contributing factors. My belly had measured small the entire pregnancy but all the ultrasounds showed a healthy baby. It makes me think my uterus wasn't growing well enough to accommodate a growing baby and had been stretched to the limit. Obviously going into labor caused the tear, but we didn't expect that to happen since I was scheduled a full week before my due date. Klare had plans of her own and wanted to make the most dramatic entrance of them all.
Her first few days of life were the scariest times in mine. There was a lot of uncertainty. We called upon a lot of people across the nation to be our prayer warriors. I truly believe God wrapped his loving arms around my baby girl and healed her. Her odds at first were not great, but she triumphed. I am so grateful for the doctors and nurses at the Medical Center and for all those who lifted up my baby girl in prayer. I continue to thank God everyday for our little miracle and for continued blessings on our family.
I love you,
Mommy
